Monday, October 17, 2011

construction zone.

this heart of mine has been 'under construction'
and I'm going to say right now
it's good and painful all at once.

to try to put into words what God is doing
leaves me stumbling and mumbling to put it mildly

I need a vacay from my mind and my heart
and all the renewal that's taking place.
it's like S-L-O-W down already
so I can catch my breath
{but really don't....}

on a retreat this weekend
I had an incredible time with 3 fun friends
and listening to this fun speaker
and eating fun food
at this really fun place

I've retreated before.
I know how easy it is to come home unchanged
from a weekend you think is life-changing.
but I'm pretty sure when it's a change of the heart
you take that change with you wherever you go.

i'm exhausted.
God is transforming some places in my heart
i never knew needed transforming and
i'm pretty sure i was completely unaware even existed.

the idea that our weaknesses are emphasized
to give the glory to God
and magnify His grace

is simply scary.

to be authentic and transparent
is my kinda way
i'm a 'heart on my sleeve' kinda girl
but i know, actually living it out in it's entirety
will be met with resistence.

{kinda like the week i just had before the retreat. 
 bloggless. and long.}
last weekend
justin and i had spent an amazing weekend together
my fav part spent in a quaint coffee shop
daring to 'redream' dreams of the past
that life had seemingly smothered to death

but then this week of living out our 'dream reconstructed'
entailed commitment and sacrifice and
faith-filled moments of believing what God showed us
even in the 'beautiful mess' of living it out.

mercy did i question it all in the overwhelming moments
only to find that unexplainable peace
in the silence to follow
{silence being completely metaphorical in my season of life}

i told my sister recently that
'being for God is so much harder than doing for Him'
and i'm pretty sure that sums up the construction going on
so please excuse all the bright orange barrels
as i'm in process

are you?
Call Me Blessed


  1. Oh my!!! It would seem that we are in a very similar season of life! While I don't want to miss out on any of the leasons the Lord is teaching me (cause I sure don't want to have to relearn them again the hard way, ha!), sometimes I wish this season would hurry up & turn to spring! :)

  2. Oh this is huge. Transformation. What a meaningful word for me tonight. I need that too. Praying for you girl.

  3. "being for God is so much harder than doing for Him" a huge Amen to that. Yes. :)

  4. Praying for you friend! God did a complete overhaul on my heart last year...I survived :) You will too :) Proud of you for letting Him have HIS way in your life sweet friend!

  5. totally needed to read this. i feel like my heart is always in a construction zone of some sort.

  6. I feel you, girl! I just blogged about how God sends us storms and sometimes it's that ending point we reach when we realize we've turned our face from Him and He's right behind us with his arms open, waiting.

    I'm so glad you left your retreat feeling rejuvenated!


  7. i totally get this... and know that it's in those "construction" times when He is there and we can re-group_ get some answers, etc. :) love this post girl.

  8. Being for God IS so much harder than doing... I'm going to sit and think about that. Great post!!

  9. Nothing like a beautiful blog makeover to reflect the changes of a heart under construction! ;)

    Love the tree header ~ sometimes as moms we just feel like all our balls are in the air, but when we are firmly rooted in Christ all can be well! :)

  10. I love you, Laurie James. Best. Weekend. Ever.