Monday, November 26, 2012

puking out my mind and heart. {random}

How do you even begin a blogpost when you haven't blogged in like, f.o.r.e.v.e.r?!  I don't know.  So I'm just going to dive right in on some things that have really been swimming around in my mind and heart lately. 
Random of random posts.  Stick with me if you dare...
1.  I read this book, The Pastor's Wife, and it's humorous, actually, that I would even pick up a book with this title because if you know me well you know I mock my years as a pastor's wife (not that I mock pastors wives, just me as a pastor's wife and all the craycrayness I experienced as one.  but whatever....I was asked to read it as part of a group of women I meet with.  so I did.  moving on.....) 
I LOVED it, and I highly recommend it if you're looking for a serious redirection in your focus as a believer in Jesus in America. 
Personal rocking of your world will occur, I {almost} promise.  Now I'm on the lookout for another great book to challenge me aside from the Holy Writ (comment me up if you've got a good, real-life story, book to recommend)
2.  I feel this randomness needs to be found right after's a good segway really to say that I'm pretty sure my husband is now most definitely going back into church ministry.    (can you use "pretty sure" and "most definitely" in the same sentence.  I did,'s a mix of my being sure of something but knowing God always has this plan He rarely makes me aware of a moment before I'm in the 'need to know' category.) Anyways, back to the point.  If this is the case I feel great excitement mixed with this realization that I will be, aside from the comfort of the Holy Spirit, a complete freaked out mess no matter what church job he enters, no matter where, even if it's heaven (will there be church jobs in heaven?) You get the point.  Praise to Him and Him alone who will, I know, sustain me (and Justin) in all things.
3.   There is this deep desire in me to be a women that younger women can look up to, legit.  I want to be a woman who not only claims to love Jesus but never forgets that, even as I age and become 'weary in doing good,' ....... I am still to 'do good' and to speak good and think good and live good.  I have failed a million and one times and it's not really about a perfect track record.  It's about a perfect quest, and one that doesn't end, matter how sick and tired I get of living for Jesus in word, thought, and deed amidst a world of shady shadyness and I'm not exempting the churchworld from this statement.   {This is a self -focused statement with no fingers pointed, except maybe in the general direction of the Christian women world, of which I am most definitely a card-carrying, redeemed by the blood of the Lamb alone, member}
4.  I'm realizing that deep friendships, the ones where you can bear your soul and find unconditional love, are few and far between.  And when you find them, you hold onto them for life.  That's why I'm completely excited that my absolute best friend and soulmate is fully supporting my upcoming girls weekend with just those kind of besties.  The miles between Texas, Iowa, Wisconsin and the faraway land of India will be erased for 2 glorious days during the busiest season of the year.  And it will be the best Christmas gift of 2012 mixed with laugher and tears and chocolate and midnight conversation, I just know it. {Thanks, Baby, for being a rockstar husband to single-dad-it for a weekend.}
5.  I love how these points are segwaying from one to another. I need to mention my husband.  I'm waiting til point 5 in hopes that I won't lose the blog followers that I always do when I blog about our marriage.  L to the O to the L for a couple of reasons:  one, I don't blog for followers and two, it actually makes me sad for the people who unfollow me after 'happy marriage' posts......I'm thinking maybe they don't have one?  I don't know.  It's not like I'm talking about making out with Justin on this here blog... I keep it pretty G-rated, no?  K, back to my marriage.  I'm extremely grateful for it. 
For the grace we give each other, for the kind words we choose to use, and for considering the other one in all things.  I thought this was a given.  I'm learning per conversation after conversation over coffee and pie and tea and breakfast buffet that it is not as common as I thought and my heart breaks for marriages breaking.  {so maybe if you're in one of these and you think you're alone, you're not.  so find someone encouraging to talk to......please}
6.  I miss blogging.  I'm grateful for the sweet friends who have encouraged me to continue.  I'm a pinterest addict and I really enjoy keeping up with friends on facebook when I've got computer time.  But I just may resurrect this blog because I enjoy the process of it all.
So thanks for reading if you made it this far.  Random of randomness. 
Have a super day!
{me and my little girl}