Monday, December 3, 2012

thoughts on being a good mom.....

Being a good mom.   {sigh}  What does that even mean? 
I don't think I could ever attempt to define this, only share what's been going on in my mind and heart lately concerning this.  Brace yourself. 
For me, giving my all to my children is evaluating and re-evaluating where each of them are.....
physically, emotionally and most importantly, spiritually.
And I am a non-evaluater by nature. 
But it's simple, really. 
I pray. Because, as certainly every mom out there knows, there is failure at even the mere thought of trying to be a good mom.  But we press on......

I ask God to show me, reveal to me what my children need, where their struggles are.
I remind Him (as if I need to) that I'm completely incapable of this task of mommyhood and ask Him to please cover, smother, drench this house with grace and mercy.
Often these prayers occur on my treadmill in the morning.
Some mornings, like this one, the prayers take place as I groggily push the snooze button, roll myself over to face heaven and to ensure I don't fall back into a deep sleep, and petition God on all matters concerning my family. 
I am not perfect at this.  I am constantly challenged by the other mommies in my life who pray in ways I never thought of praying.  Prayers I never thought of including.  God knows.  I praise Him for knowing my mama's heart and how I long for my children even things I neglect to pray for.  Grace and mercy, seeping through my walls......

The thing about being mothering is that it is so completely constant and so completely changing All.The.Time.  Just when I think I may have figured out something that will work to help my children with discouragement or temper tantrums or school stress or finding manners in a mannerless world.....the grid is shifted
Child #2 is not the same as Child #1 and certainly not the same as Child # 3 or #4.  Circumstances change and intensity changes and age changes and personalities are developing and changing and........oh, mercy, does any other mom out there ever wish there was a 1,2,3 step process to apply to any and all things?!
{Again, I ramble.}
But at the same time I love it.  I love the challenge, I love the relationships, I love the dependency on God. 
Isn't that really what it's all about?  It's kinda like hanging out with teenagers, something I'm blessed to do fairly often {yesterday's hot cocoa party was a blast!} .....and realizing that we were the same creatures at that age, thinking we had all things figured out, even how national security should be handled.  And then we get in our 20s and laugh off all our silly ideas only to get in our 30s and laugh some more.  Oh how I can't wait to laugh off my limited perspective thinking of this decade in the years to come......oh let the mercy and grace flow freely that come as I depend on God for His wisdom and guidance through it all.  Amen? 
Even today, as I keep one of my children home from school......the roadmap of dealing with his tender heart, overwhelmed with his own unique challenges, is a new one for me as a mom.  
What to say and when to keep silent?  When to encourage and when to spur on?  Thankful, so thankful, that the Word of God covers it all, I turn to it and have him read a Psalm, thanking God His Word never returns void at the same time silently praying it will be the soothing words my boy needs to hear in that moment. 
And it seems to be the miraculous salve for the moment.  But we'll see.  Perhaps it was the mercy and grace provided in that moment when a tired mama and a frustrated son sat on the couch with a Bible open and tried to fix a sad heart problem. 
"Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul? 
Why are you crying the blues?
Fix my eyes on God--soon I'll be praising again.
He puts a smile on my face. 
He's my God.  When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse
everything I know of You..." {Psalm 42, selected verses from The Message}

so perhaps, thankfully, it's not about being a good mom after all.  but being a mom who's dependent on Jesus......every twist and turn of the delightfully confusing way.
Praise Him.

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