construction zone.

this heart of mine has been 'under construction'
and I'm going to say right now
it's good and painful all at once.

to try to put into words what God is doing
leaves me stumbling and mumbling to put it mildly

I need a vacay from my mind and my heart
and all the renewal that's taking place.
it's like S-L-O-W down already
so I can catch my breath
{but really don't....}

on a retreat this weekend
I had an incredible time with 3 fun friends
and listening to this fun speaker
and eating fun food
at this really fun place

I've retreated before.
I know how easy it is to come home unchanged
from a weekend you think is life-changing.
but I'm pretty sure when it's a change of the heart
you take that change with you wherever you go.

i'm exhausted.
God is transforming some places in my heart
i never knew needed transforming and
i'm pretty sure i was completely unaware even existed.

the idea that our weaknesses are emphasized
to give the glory to God
and magnify His grace

is simply scary.

to be authentic and transparent
is my kinda way
i'm a 'heart on my sleeve' kinda girl
but i know, actually living it out in it's entirety
will be met with resistence.

{kinda like the week i just had before the retreat. 
 bloggless. and long.}
last weekend
justin and i had spent an amazing weekend together
my fav part spent in a quaint coffee shop
daring to 'redream' dreams of the past
that life had seemingly smothered to death

but then this week of living out our 'dream reconstructed'
entailed commitment and sacrifice and
faith-filled moments of believing what God showed us
even in the 'beautiful mess' of living it out.

mercy did i question it all in the overwhelming moments
only to find that unexplainable peace
in the silence to follow
{silence being completely metaphorical in my season of life}

i told my sister recently that
'being for God is so much harder than doing for Him'
and i'm pretty sure that sums up the construction going on
so please excuse all the bright orange barrels
as i'm in process

are you?