Sugar-Free JuJu

I'm beginning to think there is a connection between my weekly trip to Aldi to get groceries and-A. DAY. By the time I left Aldi this morning I wasn't quite sure that all 4 of us (me and the 3 youngers) were going to make it home. Sane, at least.

So I stopped and got some sanity. For only $3.04.
So worth every penny. So worth taking the long way home.


Introducing my form of a good, hard drink: iced latte, sugar-free vanilla syrup to be easy on the hips (and thighs) and from McDonald's to be easy on the wallet. I even put my feet up for a moment on the pillows (a James family no-no)....then I got convicted by my inner-momself and put my feet back down where they belong. And this happened:
Hi son. (And that was the end of my moment)
Today I leave you with a more visual list of 10: 10 pictures to show you why I can't get enough of my kids. Even though they tend to make my trips to Aldi a tad, um, taxing.
Excited to go to a Brewers game, "GO BREWERS!"
Sweetly sleeping in Daddy's arms

Getting ahold of the camera to capture a self portrait

Climbing the apple tree

Pretty stoked about holding this little fuzzy guy

Ahh.....2 dolls

Exploring books by themselves...

Can you tell they are brother and sister or what?!

Sour apple!

4 (very huge) reasons to thank and praise the Lord today

Enjoy the day. Hope the sun is shining where you are, too!

Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread

                                                     Chocolate chip pancakes=good,

Chocolate covered strawberries=better,

Chocolate, chocolate chip muffins =great way to start the day

Whoever thought of adding chocolate chips to an already chocolate treat=genius

So why not add chocolate to pumpkin bread? That's what I asked myself last year when I brought out my mom's pumpkin bread recipe to make. I didn't have a good answer, and so I present you with...
                                          Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread
                 (as pictured in yesterday's post. And it's not even a tutorial tuesday. Act surprised)

This bread is what I refer to as a "one bowl wonder" and is a must-have in your recipe collection of a quick make and even quicker clean-up

Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread

These are the ingredients you need--plus sugar. I forgot to put my sugar in the picture.

Side note: Let me tell you that assembling all the ingredients before you start baking is really handy!

So, in no particular order, put the following stuff in your mixing bowl--and mix:

1 can pumpkin (reg-size, not the big one)

3 1/2 cups flour

3 cups sugar

4 eggs

1 cup oil

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp nutmeg

2 tsp baking soda

1 1/2 tsp salt

When it's all mixed, add about 1/2 bag chocolate chips (mix by hand) and eat the other half of the bag.

Disclaimer: this recipe does not come with a cute little boy to mix in your chocolate chips for you

Oh-- Did you preheat your oven? If not, set it for 350 degrees and when it's preheated put your filled bread pans in for about 50 minutes to an hour. Just keep checking the center with a toothpick and you'll know it's done when all that comes off is the melted chocolate from the chips.

Aren't you glad your adventure in pumpkin bread making didn't start here? In the pumpkin patch? I always smile when I open up a can of pumpkin because it reminds me of my newlywed days. I was sitting with a group of other new wives and we were talking about all the treats we were making for our new hubbys to celebrate our first Thanksgiving together. One of them said, "Pumpkin pie, though, that's the worst. It took me all day and I'm never making one again!"

Um... awkward moment of silence until one of us asked what was so hard about making pumpkin pie.

"Well, first it was all about picking the right pumpkin, and then cooking it for, like, hours, and then scraping out the nasty stuff......." First we congratulated her on a job well done and then sheepishly informed her of the modern-day shortcut known as "canned pumpkin." Too funny. You have to wonder where she       even found that recipe?!

When you make this bread for your family (and maybe even some to give away?) you don't need to make an impressive meal. Just do what I did and open up 4 cans of soup, pour them into a pot, heat it up, and call it dinner. Who cares about what's for dinner when you've got yummy bread with chocolate chips in it for dessert?

YAY!

Some of you have been asking me, "Why a blog?"

Answer: I don't really know...except it seems like fun, it gives me an outlet for creativity, and I want to share about my family's everyday life....living for Jesus.

The real question is: Why on earth would you want to read my blog?!

Maybe it will encourage you sometimes?

Maybe it will make you smile or even laugh out loud.

Maybe you can just read it and go...." I can TOTALLY RELATE."

Maybe you'll just get a good recipe out of it!

Whatever reason you're taking a look at my blog, I'm glad you stopped by and THANK YOU! You are making it so much fun for me. Really.

SOOO......yesterday's giveaway. Thanks to everyone who took part both on the blog and on facebook. I'm going to include both sets of answers this time for a total of 11 people!!

I was hoping for 5, thinking 10 would be great-- so I'm really excited to enter 11 people in the drawing for a yummy caramel apple covered in chocolate...which I may or may not pick up two as long as I'm going back to get another one today!

Caleb was my photographer for these two pictures. Aren't you glad you can watch this step by step? Are you just really wondering who won the caramel apple already?! Well, my photographer agreed to get in the next picture to show you the name I picked out of the coffee cup.

oh, the suspense!

THE WINNER IS:

Yay Jenn with 2 n's! You are the winner of the giveaway! I'm so excited to send you your caramel apple...be looking for it in the mail, k?

Have a super Thursday, everyone! Don't forget to encourage your pastor this month!!

A Little Appreciation

Taking the time to appreciate someone in our busy lives is not always easy,

but don't you agree it's a cool thing? Especially because we're all so busy.

I'm wondering how you show the love?

I've found there's no greater love than homemade chocolate chip pumpkin bread in the fall. My fam sees me get out my stoneware bread pan and instantly knows:

*sweet bread is in their future

*some of it will disappear to other good homes

My friend, Lori, makes mini loaves of banana bread to give away. When I lived nearby, I always seemed to "stop by" when she was making her bread (funny how that would happen) and she'd ask me if I wanted male or female bread. With or without nuts. Ahem.

Caleb took this to his teacher today. Yesterday she took both morning and afternoon classes together to the pumpkin farm. 32 kids. Lots of head counts. The woman deserves this caramel apple I found at the grocery store. This absolutely fabulous-looking caramel apple covered in tons of colorful chocolately M&Ms that I wasn't (was) tempted to keep for myself.

Also pictured are the pumpkins we picked at the farm--Caleb managed to find one that was half green because that's his favorite color. Hey--other kids were picking the biggest pumpkins they could find and guess who had to carry said pumpkins? I love being a field trip chaperone!

So there you have it. Thankfulness and it's not even the month of November.

***But does anyone know what month it is? (don't answer October.....think deeper than that...like who you could appreciate this month!) If you guess right, I'll pick one right answer by random # selection, and I'll send you one of these yummy caramel apples in the mail. Because if you know...that probably means you are taking part and I'm super proud of you!

TT Creamy Crockpot Chicken

Today's tutorial is a dinner recipe I got from my sister, a newlywed for just 3 months now but with already very impressive kitchen skills!

The first time I made it I went from memory of what I thought she said was in it. Well--it turned out kinda scary when I tripled the amount of water needed and substituted sour cream for cream of chicken.

But seriously, if you just stick to the recipe, it's super easy, and has only 4 ingredients (not including the water....am I supposed to include that when I count the # of ingredients? It's not like you have to go out and buy it to make this recipe!)

Creamy Crockpot Chicken

Chicken-- enough for "your people" (boneless/skinless)

3/4 cup water

1 packet dry italian dressing

1 cream cheese rectangle

1 can cream of chicken

BONUS: all ingredients can be found at Aldi. Add "cheap" to the list of things that make this recipe fantastic

Okay, here you go: (plan on 4 hours start to finish)

Place chicken in slow cooker. Mix 3/4 c water with italian dressing packet and pour on top of chicken. Cook on low 3 hours.

After 3 hours, mix cream cheese with cream of chicken and pour on top of cooked chicken. Cook an additional 1 hour and you're done. Really.

I served this with quick cook brown rice and microwave veggies for a full meal.

See the veggie pic? You can tell my family ate around 6:23. No matter how hard I try to get dinner on the table sooner--it just never happens. Anyone else feel like the 5pm hour goes by way too quickly? What's up with that?!

Well, it wasn't pizza and it wasn't hot dogs so my kids didn't love it....

but they did eat it.

Maybe it had something to do with wanting a piece of Aunt Mindy's fudge for dessert.

My children will do a lot for a piece of chocolate...I wonder where they get that from?!

Happy Tutorial Tuesday!

Moments from our Life

Capturing some moments of the everyday in our lives this past week:

Caleb is holding in his hand what we refer to in the James' household as "Super Spy Cream." Why is it given such a cool title? Well.....for one, it superbly helps with chapped lips. It is also spyish because when you put it on, you cannot see it--these things are crucial when you are 4, you know.

Here we are at Dairy Queen. Jonathan is amusing us (himself) by sticking a coin on his head...

and then smacking the back of his head to try to get it off. By the end we were all cheering him on. Smack your head harder, Jon! You can do it! (truly, parenting at its best don't you think?)

In our home, Charity is never more than five minutes away from being kissed. Usually by this big brother:

Saturday evening Matthias took it upon himself to feed Charity while I was busy making dinner. Thank you, son, I'll take it from here (after, of course, I snap a picture)


Just a couple of snapshots from our life this past week. Never a dull moment and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Are you capturing moments of the everyday in your life? They pass by so quickly!

About Jesus

I don't just want to be about the things that are about Jesus.
I want to be about Jesus.

Does that make sense? We get passionate about the things Jesus is about: helping the homeless, adoption, caring for widows, funding a charity, filling a gap in a ministry in the local church, etc. These things are great. These things rock. These are, I repeat, the things that Jesus is about.

But do you ever notice that Jesus sometimes gets lost in it? We become so passionate about the individual cause, the specific ministry...that we lose sight of the One we are serving and striving to love more each day. I know that when I fall more in love with Jesus, when I'm spending time with Him, when I'm learning more about Jesus and His ways... that my ministry will be more of Him and not just about Him.

Those are my deep thoughts today. It's nice to know I still have some of those between deciding whether I like Diego or Handy Manny better; if I think Luke Skywalker is cool; and other profound questions I answer daily.

13 years ago

13 years ago I told a 17 year old hottie that I would go out with him.
Our first date was to the mall, Starbucks (duh!), and then a friends birthday party.
Today we celebrated by going out to TGIFridays and Wal-mart without the kids (that's a treat).
Still a hottie, now my husband.

10 Things I Learned in the 4K Classroom

I had a great time yesterday going to school with Caleb. Not sure what he thought about having mom there, whispering in his ear every once and awhile, "you are my favorite 4Ker" ....but I was able to learn a couple of things in my 2 1/2 hours there:

1. "I look different" so a kid named Blaise told me.

2. Kaya might look like it's pronouned "KA-ah." But it's not. It's "KI-ah" and she gets really mad if you say her name wrong. Even if you try to soothe her anger by helping her with her fire truck coloring sheet...you're pretty sure she's still upset about the mispronounciation.

3. Birds can, indeed, be larger than horses. (see picture below, drawn for me by Bricelyn)

4. You're supposed to put your paper scraps in the garbage right away. No piles. I violated this rule when I was cutting out paper pumpkins and a kid busted me and huffily threw my pile away.

5. My son needs to learn to write the "e" in his name, hold a pencil, and blow his nose.

6. When you're four years old you have a mental checklist of 3 things you want to be when you grow up. One girl told me very seriously that when she's big she wants to be a farmer, violin player, and artist. You go, girl.

7. There are 2 Calebs in the class. The other one is Caleb P. Apparently that is funny to a 4ker.

Bathroom humor begins this young?

8. My son's teacher is highly caffeinated. She had 2 Mountain Dews and 1 Starbucks Frapp on her desk. This explains how she was able to do the "Days of the Week" jive faster than the kids. I was pretty tempted to take a picture of her desk but decided against it to keep up good parent/teacher relations.

9. I do not know how to cut "in the lines". Remember Blaise? Well, he came back while I was cutting those pumpkins. "Oh. I thought you were cutting in the lines. But you're not." Thanks for those uplifting words, kid. I always knew working with 4 yr olds was one warm fuzzy after another.

10. I'm pretty sure I only learned 9 things. But thanks for scrolling down to see this answer anyway. I had fun and look forward to next month's volunteer day. They better keep me away from the paper pumpkins though. Just ask Blaise.

I would like to thank my son, Caleb, who made this trip into the 4K class possible. I love you more than words can say!

Project Eat Better

Okay......so Charity is 6 months now (what?!).....I know. Whenever I hit this point "postpartum" (haha....can I still claim that title?!) I realize that maybe, just maybe, I should start working on the extra pounds from pregnancy.
(she's SO worth every added pound...)

We all know that losing weight is as simple as getting more exercise in the day and eating better. Yeah.... ("easier said than done" would be such an understatement right now I'm not even going to go there)

Exercise I can do. I've been running on the treadmill and busting some Pilates moves almost every day for over a month now.

Caleb and Matt are becoming pros at "downward facing dog"
HOWEVER...

Exercise plus eating my yummy carbs = scale's not moving!! And so... I must execute

Project Eat Better.

Good-bye, brownies. My love affair with you needs to end. Temporarily, of course. You know I always come back to you.

"You can eat just one!" you want to yell to me over blogland. Yeah....well, no.....I can't. Someday, though.

 Failure is not an option.

awwww

There was nothing out of the ordinary that marked this day from any other. There were the daily routines, the send off to school, the making and eating of meals, diapers and bottles, kissing and crying, dishes and laundry and did I mention dishes? Oh, and the weekly trip to Aldi.

The sun was even shining.

But that didn't seem to matter.

Because today was just one of "those days." Ever have one of those?! come on, now...

Well, my dear husband picked up on "my day" and brought me home these.

My favorite color. Completely unexpected and thoughtful and totally made me smile.

I love that man!

Embrace the Camera

Emily from andersonfamilycrew takes every thursday and does a link up called "embrace the camera." I enjoy following her blog because:

1) she's artsy so she takes good pics and gives tutorials on cool things like making a flower necklace I was totally willing to pay $30ish on etsy...

(saving $ however? totally my thing and I plan on making one. someday. with my sister-in-law. tutorial to follow, of course!)

2) she's got 3 boys and 1 girl so I can relate to so much of the chaos she calls her family life!

3) her fam is in the process of adopting I'm so in love with adoption. It's a life changed forever.

This week Emily is giving away INCREDIBLE packages of goodies for little amounts of money that you pledge to give to help with their adoption process. If you win you get-- seriously, incredible stuff! Not to mention you've helped bring a little girl home to her family from the faraway land of Ethiopia. How cool is that?!

Okay. So anyways..."Embrace the Camera"  means the mama gets behind the camera to capture moments b/c let's face it....we're the ones taking all the pictures in the family! Does anyone else not have too many pictures with their own mom? See....so it's a cool idea.

Right now I'm sitting here with wet hair, no make-up, and mis-matched clothes. So I'm going to pull a couple "embrace the camera" pics from the last couple of days. Why don't you take some time to "embrace the camera"? Even if you don't have a cool camera like artsy Emily. I certainly don't! Enjoy the moments with your kiddos you can never get back!

I would like to thank Matthias and his 3 year old picture taking abilities for capturing this one of me and Caleb:

This one was taken when we went on our yearly trip to Elegant Farmer (it's all about the crazy good caramel apples with assorted sprinkles) Next year I will not have a baby to hold all snuggly in the baby carrier. tear.

TT Raspberry Chocolates

I had something all set for yesterday and it centered around motherhood. I'm trying to make a theme for each day and mondays are going to be "MOMents from this mom." But seeing as how I totally failed to blog yesterday....you'll just have to check out next monday to see some moments from this mom's life. Oh, my life is interesting, no doubt (catch the sarcasm please...)

okay. so here we go w/my first ever blog tutorial. I even took pics.

I set out to make peppermint patties on sunday evening and ended up with
Raspberry Chocolates. Find out how:
Step one: check to see if you have peppermint extract (NO?! what're you doing making peppermint patties?)

Step two: assemble other ingredients needed:

1/3 cup corn syrup

1/4 cup margarine or butter, melted

4 1/2 cups powdered sugar

6-8 squares chocolate bark

(sea salt?)



Step three: mix together corn syrup, melted butter, 1 1/2 tsp peppermint extract

***or if you forgot to do step one and realize you only have raspberry extract because you are a spur-of -the-moment maker of chocolates because when a girl needs chocolate you just don't make her wait...than raspberry works fine, too.


Step four: add powdered sugar one cup at a time to the mixture, mix well and discover that it turns into what a 4 yr old would describe as "play dough." Add some red food coloring if you used raspberry extract. No need to confuse the consumers of your chocolates into thinking they are going to have creamy peppermint filling if they're not. It would be like drinking the Clear Pepsi of the early 90's. Remember that stuff? NASTY


Step five: roll into small, 1 inch balls.

Step six: melt your chocolate (in the microwave --1 minute to 30 sec intervals) or in a chocolate melter like a professional (chocolate addict) owns.

So when Jon saw me taking pictures without people in them he offered to get in the picture with the chocolates to save me the embarrassment of posting crazy pictures without any humans. Thanks, Jon. I love how you are always so helpful!

Step seven: dip balls in chocolate and assemble on a wax-covered baking sheet

Step eight: sprinkle sea salt on top for a super fun taste sensation. Or love your husband (who almost gags on added salt) enough to leave it off.


Step nine: put the sheet in the fridge to set the chocolate...taste one every 2 minutes or so until you figure out how long this step takes. I've never perfected this step.


Step ten: eat the rest. share some. take your husband's question: "did the kids help make these?" as a compliment that he knows you rock motherhood and share all experiences with your kids to make every moment teachable.....it had nothing to do with your messy chocolate dipping skills.

Sunday is about Jesus

All days are about Jesus, really (or at least they should be!).....but Sundays especially are about Jesus. I love that. I love that life isn't about me. I love that it's so much bigger than me and it's about my huge God and His huge plan.



"All men are like grass, and all their glory

is like the flowers of the field;

the grass withers and the flowers fall,

but the word of the Lord stands forever."

1 Peter 1:24-25



When this verse was read in church today, though I've heard it before, it really stood out to me. Now excuse me while I spend some time with the important Word that stands forever....

This is not as easy as it looks....

Good news: I'm far from being a computer nerd.

Bad news: seriously, I have some issues doing basic computer things. kinda embarrasing, really.


So the hubs Justin obviously helped me do anything you see different on this blog. And while it's not anything impressive.....I couldn't do it by myself and it took us way too long to figure it out together.

Blogging world...wait up for me, k?


I figured I needed a picture for my profile so Justin humored me by jumping in the final pic. Because, well, because you can see for yourself why I was no good at doing the profile picture thing by myself.

Yes, I realize I have a weird look on my face in pic #2. You try holding a camera and take your own picture with a normal face. It's like trying to put on mascara without opening your mouth. Know what I mean? What's up with that?! "Mascara reflex"

Bread update: turned out better the second time. By better I mean that if you spread a thick layer of jelly, honey, butter, or peanut butter on top of a slice you can get over the denseness that is the trademark for my homemade bread. I'm not giving up. Stay tuned for Laurie V. Honey Whole Wheat Bread Round 3.

I got the recipe from this website:
http://www.heavenlyhomemaker.com/ She gives a video tutorial on how to make the bread. Cool. But even cooler than that is that her bread rises to double its size. I covet her bread making skills.

The Great Blog Experiment

So I've been following some blogs now for quite awhile. And having a blast doing so--it's just been fun to see what other moms are doing around the country. Some of them are so creative and hilarious! Which leads me to "My Great Blog Experiment" starting today. I'm going to try to seriously blog. Not the occassional update of what's going on in my head. The actual "blog-looking" posts that may or may not be entertaining but are real to my life.
I'm beginning today because when I get an idea in my head it always needs to begin immediately. Excuse me if I copy some ideas from blogs I follow as I begin with
10 Reasons why I am Thankful for Being Alive Today

*My cell phone. How did moms do it "back in the day" before cells? I love knowing the school can contact me at any time they need to about my kids (and I'm not stuck at home to get the call).

Like when Jon jammed his finger in tetherball at recess and I was right there at the school with my cell to give him some love (ice pack) and help him realize he could finish out his second grade school day with a puffy thumb. Which ended up turning a funky shade of blue. ewwww

*A paycheck. Don't you just love payday?

*Store-bought bread. Epic fail last night as I tried to make my own Honey Whole Wheat. Here is a pic of this scary-dense concoction (sp?) I produced. There are 2 more loaves in process as I post.... Laurie V. Honey Whole Wheat Bread. Round 2

*Post-it notes. I'd be lost w/out these wonderful squares of yellow. I use them to remind myself of things, jot down notes of all kinds, and write sweet notes to my hubby when he returns from work. awwww

*Sleep. Friday mornings are my sleep-in mornings. No kidding, it was my Honey's idea. He gets home from work and stays up to send Jon off to school while I sleep. Glorious sleep.

*Anti-bacterial gel. It's a germ-conscious woman's dream come true. Instant peace that millions of unidentifiable nasties are not entering mouths when food is consumed away from home. What did moms do before the invention of these wonders--in smells like "Cucumber Melon"?

*Fall Weather. I hate winter and because of that sometimes I lump fall into the "hate" category because it leads up to it. Poor fall. It has so many beautiful days in it and today is one of them. The kids and I had a great time enjoying the morning outdoors in just our long sleeved t's and jeans.

*A blank calendar square......well, for me at least! Ever get one of those? On a FRIDAY?! It's brilliant and today is one of those days for me. Jon has a campfire to go to for Boys Club and Justin is taking him...but, I, .......I have NOTHING. Sweet nothingness.

*Jesus. This is not meant to be hokey. Seriously, I'm so thankful for Him today and every day. Where would I be without Jesus? I think about that all the time as I see other people (particularly moms just like me) struggle in life without Him. How do they do it? I just can't imagine living without Jesus.

That's it. My list of 10 and my start to blogging for real. Read the older posts if you need some good sleep. But today begins a new day of posting. Hopefully I've read enough blogs out there to know how to blog now. For a little friday treat, here's one of my fav blogs to follow. Meet artsy Ashley Ann who's got 3 boys and then a little girl. What a perfect combo of kiddos if I do say so myself! :) http://www.ashleyannphotography.com/

what's up, summer?

Lunch outside.

Friends' house.

Water fun.

Sweat.

oh, yeah

NEEDED: more sleep

I do actually need more sleep in my life. serious, blissful sleep. but who am I kidding? I will not get said sleep for many many many months to come. ahh, life with a newborn!

Today was a fun day with the kids. We had playgroup in the morning and there was a ton of water fun to be had. Too bad Caleb is just not into water fun. But he (barely) survived. During naptime for the younger boys and baby Charity, Jon and I played "Sorry." He was pretty stoked to win the game because I had creamed him 3x already. Yeah.....no......I'm not one of those moms who lets their kids win games.

Justin worked a long day so I fed the kids chicken nuggets and corn and I waited for Justin to eat. So when he got home we had a nice, quiet,romantic, candlelit dinner with shrimp pasta.

Okay. haha.....scratch the quiet, romantic, and candlelit part because Caleb and Matt were constantly trying to swipe bites off both our plates.
After dinner I took Jon to his softball game while Justin stayed home w/the youngers. Jon and I did the much-needed grocery shopping afterwards.....which he just thought was the coolest thing ever because we didn't even enter Wal-mart until after 9PM.

Whew.....it took extra long because I was tired, Jon asked for everything he could find, and I'm trying to feed my family a little healthier than I have been so I was reading labels.

We didn't return home until 10:30 and then it was time to unpack and put away the groceries. I then proceeded to crash into bed alongside my already sleeping hubby. Whew. Long day. Charity was up 2x last night and boys were up bright and early today. NEEDED: MORE SLEEP!! please?

WHAT A DAY!!

so I've got like 4 kids 7 years and under. well, not really "like".....I actually do. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and that fact really hits me. You know, the whole 50 days that I've had 4 kids!
When you've got 4 kids 7 years and under and one of them is only 7 weeks old......there are days when absolutely nothing gets done. Justin will come home tonight and wonder (but he's too kind to say anything) "what on earth happened in this house all day?" he's actually too kind to even wonder that but I wonder it and I'm the one who's home.
so here's what's happened today: the kids have eaten, played, eaten again, played again, snacked, taken naps, snacked again, played again, watched a few too many videos perhaps, and played some more. oh, I did read them each a book of their choosing so I get some points for that, right?
my friend Lynn brought us dinner for tonight.
anyone who didn't get a chance to take their postpartum friend a dinner and thinks that 7 weeks is too late to do so is totally wrong. what a blessing.
like I could even think about dinner caring for a baby who's been eating every 2-3 hours around the clock and fussy many times in between. I'm lucky I'm dressed for the day.
well, that's it for this post b/c if I've got time to blog I should probably be spending it doing something more productive. like emptying the dishwasher.
so I can reload an entire load and restart it only to unload it again. yeah.